Black people life is exciting, full of drama and similarities. I speak of blacks because I’m a black person too and I know what I’m talking about. I mean let’s get real, why would I talk about other race while I have no clue about their lifestyle. Anyway, black people have so much in common, in our families, background, tradition and sometimes some things don’t make sense to us the young ones and the elders find it so difficult to put it in words for us to understand, so they leave everything hanging or simply hide from us or omit the truth.
At least in each family, there’s that one child who grew up without a father. As a child he/she did not really care to ask about his/her father and the mother on the other hand did not bother to share anything with the child’s father or anything about the daddy’s family. When a child starts to ask dipotso ka ga rrangwe,gatwe ngwana o makgaga.The relationship between the mother and the child become sour .
Some members of the family will even call her names, label her ungrateful, disgrace and would not want to understand why the child is looking for answers and information about their father. On the other hand, could be that the child is being protected from the truth. You know what they say “What you don’t know won’t hurt you”.
Sometimes our mothers protects us from the evil stepmothers,those who won’t even want the child’s name to be mentioned in their presence. Sometimes is the fact that the father never told his new wife about his child with another woman. But the truth of the matter is is gonna le tlhakatlhakano ya badimo “ancestral mix up “ and this could affect the child’s life in a very negative way because the child have not been formally introduced to his father’s ancestors .Never met their amaglozi.
In the patriarch world, when a child is born, he/she is expected take the surname of the father .But what happens if the parents are not married? Well, the father’s family pay what is known as Kukuhlawula isisu in XHOSA or go duela ditshenyegelo in Setswana or pay damages, (Compensation for impregnating the girl before marriage).Then later,the father’s family buy the child clothes and performs a ritual to welcome the baby in the family and introduce him/her to the ancestors .If all these are ignored ,there are consequences.Just like in the bible God said ” I the LORD your God, am a God who does not tolerate rivals. I punish children for their parents’ sins to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me”.
Even in the eastern esoteric perspective, if you grow up with a different name or surname that was not giving to you from birth, the name that was intended to you, this could affect your destiny .Culturally, spiritually, religiously this will affect the child’s destiny.
Some of common things that could go wrong in the child’s life
Have many miscarriage /loose babies during birth
Divorce after divorce /never last in a relationship
Have daddy issues/Confuse the BF love to daddy’s love
Losing your job
Your children get sick
Complications during lobola negotiation
Your children become black sheep of the family
It’s an interesting read l, I’m a xhosa black man who was raised by my mothers brother and his wife. My mother died when I was 3 and I was led to believe by my family that my dad left me. Turns out that he didn’t, they just chased him away because when my mom died, they were in a separation. I changed my surname back to my moms surname because I was so angry at my dad. Only found out about this after my dad had passed away. I’m sharing all this just to show that what you saying has some truth.
Thank you so much Siphomabusela for sharing your story.In most cases ,we are told that our father left our mothers ,the same happend to me,for many years i hated him until i learnt the truth .Really appreciate your time